Religion? More like ReLOLgion, amirite?!

I have nothing against religious people, actually. My problem is with the people who go out of their way to shove it down my throat. They (generally speaking) never say what they mean, for example:

What they say:
"I have to pray about this"

What they are really saying:
"I cannot make a decision on my own, so I'll ask my imaginary friend what he thinks"

What they say:
"I'm going to pray for you!"

What they mean:
"I am incapable of offering you any real advice or help with your situation because I really could give a shit less about you or your problems"

What they say:
"It's in God's hands now"

What they mean:
"I am incapable of taking charge of any situation that is stressful or too emotionally taxing, so once again I am going to rely on my imaginary friend up in the sky to make everything all better!"

I really just don't understand people these days. What is making people so weak-minded that they need the emotional crutch of an imaginary friend with superpowers to solve all their problems? If that's the case, at least pick a cool one, like one of the X Men.

And what's with the judging from the super religious folks? WOW... I know that in their precious book there are a lot of passages about NOT judging, so they're being bad christians. That's alright though. They can fuck up time and time again, committing the same sins over and over and over again, but all they need to do is ask their imaginary friend to forgive them, and it's like nothing ever happened! That makes no sense to me.

Now, I will say that there are about two people that I know that don't use their religion as a crutch. Like my friend Shell and my sister Deb. Those are the two people that I can actually have an intellectual conversation about religion with.