I may look like a normal 28 year old female, but actually I suffer from a really bad disease. The disease is called "Lazyassitis".
So, since I suffer from this horrid disease, I take FULL advantage of the handicapped tags on my car, well, my dads car. Lets not be picky and split hairs on this, since I drive it way more than he does.
ANYIMALAZYASSWAY, I went to the store today to pick up some stuff, and there it was, gleaming like a beacon of salvation... the handicapped spot RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE STORE! I think to myself "heheh, YEEAAAAH, mommas got a VIP spot today!". I pull right on in the spot, and I half noticed the car parked in front of me with 2 people in it, but all I thought to myself was "hm, the guy in the passenger seat is kinda cute...". As I am getting the kid out of the car, the driver starts making all sorts of weird faces and hand gestures at me. Guess he didn't know I have the license plate with the crippled guy on it. So I laughed at him, and got the kid out of the car.
I totally had a Denis Leary moment
"Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people make handicapped faces"
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Women have a genetic predisposition to be the most confusing creatures ever
No woman can say to themselves and be HONEST that we're not confusing, even to ourselves. I honestly think that if we want to make sense, we should just use the same thought process that men use (when they're not thinking with their reproductive organs, that is). I'm going to attempt to break things down for you, I hope this makes sense.
I want a good man that has a job, his own place, and a car. I want him to treat me like a Queen, tell me that he loves me, and take me out. He also needs to be sensitive, smart, funny, and faithful.
Sounds great, right? Yeah, us women love that shit. We love wishing for it, and telling anybody that will listen that we wish we could find somebody like that. Then, when we actually do find a guy like that, who hasn't been "ruined" by some woman breaking his heart, this is what happens:
God, he's so annoying! All he ever does is work! He's so clingy, ugh!
then when she tells him it's time to change his ways:
OMG! he doesn't care about me anymore! He never listens!! He cut back his hours at work, and isn't bringing in as much money, he's such a bum!
No wonder guys turn into selfish pricks. It's our fault most of the time.
Now on to the next subject. Honesty. bahahahahah!
Honey, be honest with me, I won't get upset. I really want to know what you think.
Men, NEVER fall for this one, it's always a trick question. A trap. Unless your woman has a good head on her shoulders and doesn't get butthurt over every little thing, this will be her reaction:
YOU'RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE! YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT I DON'T REALLY WANT YOU TO BE HONEST, JUST TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR!!!!
Yes guys, it's a double edged sword. If you are honest with us, you're an insensitive asshole. If you lie to us, you're a lying asshole.
Well, that concludes this session for now. I'm sure I will follow up with another round soon. Until then, see you in the kitchen, ladies!
OH, and go here, it speaks the truth.
also, thank you Boyle for the inspiration, you kick ass my friend!
I want a good man that has a job, his own place, and a car. I want him to treat me like a Queen, tell me that he loves me, and take me out. He also needs to be sensitive, smart, funny, and faithful.
Sounds great, right? Yeah, us women love that shit. We love wishing for it, and telling anybody that will listen that we wish we could find somebody like that. Then, when we actually do find a guy like that, who hasn't been "ruined" by some woman breaking his heart, this is what happens:
God, he's so annoying! All he ever does is work! He's so clingy, ugh!
then when she tells him it's time to change his ways:
OMG! he doesn't care about me anymore! He never listens!! He cut back his hours at work, and isn't bringing in as much money, he's such a bum!
No wonder guys turn into selfish pricks. It's our fault most of the time.
Now on to the next subject. Honesty. bahahahahah!
Honey, be honest with me, I won't get upset. I really want to know what you think.
Men, NEVER fall for this one, it's always a trick question. A trap. Unless your woman has a good head on her shoulders and doesn't get butthurt over every little thing, this will be her reaction:
YOU'RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE! YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT I DON'T REALLY WANT YOU TO BE HONEST, JUST TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR!!!!
Yes guys, it's a double edged sword. If you are honest with us, you're an insensitive asshole. If you lie to us, you're a lying asshole.
Well, that concludes this session for now. I'm sure I will follow up with another round soon. Until then, see you in the kitchen, ladies!
OH, and go here, it speaks the truth.
also, thank you Boyle for the inspiration, you kick ass my friend!
Religion? More like ReLOLgion, amirite?!
I have nothing against religious people, actually. My problem is with the people who go out of their way to shove it down my throat. They (generally speaking) never say what they mean, for example:
What they say:
"I have to pray about this"
What they are really saying:
"I cannot make a decision on my own, so I'll ask my imaginary friend what he thinks"
What they say:
"I'm going to pray for you!"
What they mean:
"I am incapable of offering you any real advice or help with your situation because I really could give a shit less about you or your problems"
What they say:
"It's in God's hands now"
What they mean:
"I am incapable of taking charge of any situation that is stressful or too emotionally taxing, so once again I am going to rely on my imaginary friend up in the sky to make everything all better!"
I really just don't understand people these days. What is making people so weak-minded that they need the emotional crutch of an imaginary friend with superpowers to solve all their problems? If that's the case, at least pick a cool one, like one of the X Men.
And what's with the judging from the super religious folks? WOW... I know that in their precious book there are a lot of passages about NOT judging, so they're being bad christians. That's alright though. They can fuck up time and time again, committing the same sins over and over and over again, but all they need to do is ask their imaginary friend to forgive them, and it's like nothing ever happened! That makes no sense to me.
Now, I will say that there are about two people that I know that don't use their religion as a crutch. Like my friend Shell and my sister Deb. Those are the two people that I can actually have an intellectual conversation about religion with.
What they say:
"I have to pray about this"
What they are really saying:
"I cannot make a decision on my own, so I'll ask my imaginary friend what he thinks"
What they say:
"I'm going to pray for you!"
What they mean:
"I am incapable of offering you any real advice or help with your situation because I really could give a shit less about you or your problems"
What they say:
"It's in God's hands now"
What they mean:
"I am incapable of taking charge of any situation that is stressful or too emotionally taxing, so once again I am going to rely on my imaginary friend up in the sky to make everything all better!"
I really just don't understand people these days. What is making people so weak-minded that they need the emotional crutch of an imaginary friend with superpowers to solve all their problems? If that's the case, at least pick a cool one, like one of the X Men.
And what's with the judging from the super religious folks? WOW... I know that in their precious book there are a lot of passages about NOT judging, so they're being bad christians. That's alright though. They can fuck up time and time again, committing the same sins over and over and over again, but all they need to do is ask their imaginary friend to forgive them, and it's like nothing ever happened! That makes no sense to me.
Now, I will say that there are about two people that I know that don't use their religion as a crutch. Like my friend Shell and my sister Deb. Those are the two people that I can actually have an intellectual conversation about religion with.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Some people should just have been sterilized at birth.
Sometimes it amazes me that some people were the fastest sperm out of millions to reach and fertilize the egg, I swear.
I seen this video of some 7 year old girls hip grindin' and booty poppin' to that Single Ladies song by Beyonce. If that wasn't bad enough that they were dancing like some bar slut on her eighth Red Bull and Vodka, but they were also DRESSED like little bar sluts in training.
Why is Miss. Pissy Pants ranting about this? Well, because I can. Also because there are some people who not only think there is nothing wrong with this video. They also say that they would let their own child dress and dance like that (insert my disapproving shank-eye here).
I really hope that those people are proud of their children in, lets say 10 years. I hope they are pleased as punch when little Suzie Q comes home with a positive pregnancy test and multiple STDs. Maybe they will seal little Suzie Q's first pair of boobie tassels in lucite and display it right next to her first pair of stripper heels. Let us not forget the honor those parents will feel when little Suzie Q makes her film debut on Girls Gone Wild. I sure hope they remember to set their DVR, so they can show the infomercial to family and friends at all of the holiday and social get togethers!!!
For those people who are fans of the MTV show "16 and Pregnant", at least you aren't going to have to worry about that show getting canceled any time soon! :)
Oh, before I forget, here is the link to the video, if you haven't seen it and want to know why I am disgusted.
UPDATE
I found a video where they talked to two of the "parents", you can watch it here and let me know what you think. I personally think those "parents" are a bunch of enabling fucktards who need to spend a day with the pedo's in jail.
I seen this video of some 7 year old girls hip grindin' and booty poppin' to that Single Ladies song by Beyonce. If that wasn't bad enough that they were dancing like some bar slut on her eighth Red Bull and Vodka, but they were also DRESSED like little bar sluts in training.
Why is Miss. Pissy Pants ranting about this? Well, because I can. Also because there are some people who not only think there is nothing wrong with this video. They also say that they would let their own child dress and dance like that (insert my disapproving shank-eye here).
I really hope that those people are proud of their children in, lets say 10 years. I hope they are pleased as punch when little Suzie Q comes home with a positive pregnancy test and multiple STDs. Maybe they will seal little Suzie Q's first pair of boobie tassels in lucite and display it right next to her first pair of stripper heels. Let us not forget the honor those parents will feel when little Suzie Q makes her film debut on Girls Gone Wild. I sure hope they remember to set their DVR, so they can show the infomercial to family and friends at all of the holiday and social get togethers!!!
For those people who are fans of the MTV show "16 and Pregnant", at least you aren't going to have to worry about that show getting canceled any time soon! :)
Oh, before I forget, here is the link to the video, if you haven't seen it and want to know why I am disgusted.
UPDATE
I found a video where they talked to two of the "parents", you can watch it here and let me know what you think. I personally think those "parents" are a bunch of enabling fucktards who need to spend a day with the pedo's in jail.
Miss. Pissy Pants first blog!
Well well well, a blog all to myself. I am sure nobody is really going to read this blog, since this blog is my outlet to vent about all the people, and the things people do that just irritate the living hell out of me, but I will try to bring my wonderful, twisted humor to my rants about stupid ass people and the stupid ass things they do, say, and think. With that being said, nobody, not friends, family, strangers, or imaginary entities are immune to my rants. This should be FUN!
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